Ed Balls

At his desk in his new office

"Shadow fucking Chancellor, you hear that Dave? You hear that Tony? Shadow fucking Chancellor. My balls, my Ed balls, are so full of economic spunk right now and I'm going to shoot it all over the faces of those smug Tory cunts. Take that Osborne, right in your fucking eye. Feel it sting. Have some salty Keynesian juice in your cuts. Ouch. Ha.

Can't decide when's the best time to burst in and body slam Ed. I'm gonna pin the little fucker down with my mighty weight. I'll only get off when he says 'Ed your economic balls are so big, I should have grabbed them right from the start.'

Getting Johnson's bodyguard on the payroll was the best thing I ever did. He's a good lad. I wouldn't have done it. Not when I've got Coops at home waiting for a taste of my balls and some dirty free market talk.

I'm a massive political beast and I'm going to roar right here, right now, in my office..."