On Christmas Eve at his mother's house
"If Ed gets a bigger train set than me I'm going to fucking nut the twat."
Tuesday, 21 December 2010
Sunday, 12 December 2010
Prince Charles
During tea with the Queen
"Pum, pum, pum byeya, pum, pum, pum, byeya. And we all stand together.
He he, the Frog Chorus.
Must book Camila in for a tetanus jab, I think one of those students touched her.
I can't believe my mum's the queen. Imagine that. She's certainly better than your mum. He he.
Oh God I'm bored."
"Pum, pum, pum byeya, pum, pum, pum, byeya. And we all stand together.
He he, the Frog Chorus.
Must book Camila in for a tetanus jab, I think one of those students touched her.
I can't believe my mum's the queen. Imagine that. She's certainly better than your mum. He he.
Oh God I'm bored."
Tuesday, 7 December 2010
Vince Cable
During Prime Minister's Questions
"One, two, cha cha cha
Three, four, cha cha cha.
Hold your lines Vince, hold your lines.
One, two, cha cha cha
Three, four, cha cha cha"
"One, two, cha cha cha
Three, four, cha cha cha.
Hold your lines Vince, hold your lines.
One, two, cha cha cha
Three, four, cha cha cha"
Thursday, 2 December 2010
Nick Clegg
During a policy briefing with David Cameron at Number 10
"Right, this is it, I'm drawing a line in the sand.
There is no sand, nice tiles though, I wonder where they come from? I'll ask Samantha.
Ok I'll sketch a line on the tiles. A Biro wouldn't work, I'll need some kind of marker pen and a metre ruler. Haven't seen one of those since school, I'll get big Danny on that. Mental note: Get big Danny onto that.
Right, 'David, I just can't agree to that'. Or maybe 'Dave, you know that just won't wash' is better. Just got to say it.
Here goes...
One, two, three...
Mmmm his face is so smooth, I wonder if he'd let me lick it. I bet it tastes of raspberry blancmange...
Oh shit, did I just agree to something? Wonder what it was, I hope it was fair. And will the party members go for it, whatever it is? At least there aren't too many to convince these days.
He's stopped talking... God he's looking at me with those big eyes. I wish I could dive into them and swim around his brain. Better nod and look serious."
"Right, this is it, I'm drawing a line in the sand.
There is no sand, nice tiles though, I wonder where they come from? I'll ask Samantha.
Ok I'll sketch a line on the tiles. A Biro wouldn't work, I'll need some kind of marker pen and a metre ruler. Haven't seen one of those since school, I'll get big Danny on that. Mental note: Get big Danny onto that.
Right, 'David, I just can't agree to that'. Or maybe 'Dave, you know that just won't wash' is better. Just got to say it.
Here goes...
One, two, three...
Mmmm his face is so smooth, I wonder if he'd let me lick it. I bet it tastes of raspberry blancmange...
Oh shit, did I just agree to something? Wonder what it was, I hope it was fair. And will the party members go for it, whatever it is? At least there aren't too many to convince these days.
He's stopped talking... God he's looking at me with those big eyes. I wish I could dive into them and swim around his brain. Better nod and look serious."
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